At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
