A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
