i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
