maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
