I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
