Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
