I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
