I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
