oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
