i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
