thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
