I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
