i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
