Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
