is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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