It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
