i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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