Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
