I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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