dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
