Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
