Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
