Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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