sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
