Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
