SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
