You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
