It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
