I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
