You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
