I hope mine doesn't look like that
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
