u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
