I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
