Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
