I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
