Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
