Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
