where are you?
Hypothermia
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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