they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
