I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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