Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
thus making me awesome and them whores
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
