i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
