he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
