I got chris browned last night
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
