Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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