I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Acid is not a monday night drug
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
