There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
