He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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