PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
