what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
