I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
