My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
