been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
